Ero Yuri vs Platonic ShoujoAi
by Emmy the Writer
Summary: in the Land of Fuuka, there exists two factions, the Evil Ero Yuri association and the nice sparkly Platonic ShoujoAi group. can love surpass boundaries? [Au ShizNat][Crackfic] Multiple other pairings. Warning: Mrated stuff. REad at your own peril!
1. Chapter 1

I'm going back home tomorrow… but I just had to write something before that! Even if it was a oneshot… and a complete crackfic.

By Sakurazaki Emiri

In a beautiful place called Fuuka, far, far away, there lived two very beautiful girls. The first of these was Fujino Shizuru, The Kaichou of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut. Then, there was her opposite, Princess Kuga Natsuki of lovely sparkly crappy Platonic shoujo-ai with panels overflowing with lilies.

There are also some things you should know about that land of fuuka: in this land, men are treated like slaves and whipped regularly and forced to dress in sailor moon cosplay outfits. It rains pineapples in fuuka, and the sand here is made out of that tasty sherbet rainbow stuff that comes in little tubes and tastes really good but leaves a nasty aftertaste in you mouth. There are frequent earthquakes because some idiot called Midori who claims she's 17 keeps using this giant drill thing to look for relics and whatnot.

Anyway, I know you're all itching to know what's going to happen. And so, I'll cut to the chase.

**In the Student council office of evil ero yuri:**

"How long until you'll have our EVIL ERO MASTER PLAN DEVICE THINGY conceived, Slave Reito?" barked the supreme dominatrix underlord Haruka.

"That's completed, Haruka-chan!" shouted a poor girl called Yukino as she jumped behind a table to avoid Haruka's whip.

"STAY STILL DAMN YOU!!" Haruka screeched, grabbing a pair of fluff pink handcuffs and jumping after her.

Now, if you were to look oh-so carefully, or maybe play I-spy, you would see the words 'ERO MASTER PLAN' Chalked up in swoodly woodly Kanji on the blackboard. you may also have spotted the 'out to tea' sign on the Kaichou's desk.

**In the Kaichou of evil ero yuri's SECRET EVIL LAIR:**

"Ara, it seems I have beaten you all at strip poker yeh again. Please kindly remove your undergarments so that I can-"

The melodic and slightly sadistically toned Kyoto-ben was cut off by a message through the evil intercom that the EVIL ERO MASTER PLAN DEVICE THINGY had been completed and was available for use. Shizuru jumped up, grabbed the lingerie she had won and bolted for the door.

"Kronk, pull the lever if you would please?"

a choir of anthro crickets suddenly entered the scene and began to sing to the tune of the funeral march,

"What?" se asked, perplexed

"a) She wasn't called Kronk, she was called Irina. B) After what you did to her down there yesterday, I don't think she's coming back. And c), there isn't a lever. It's a goddamn button," answered one of the strange emo anthro crickets.

"Oh my! Without Kronk, how am I to access my EVIL LAB??" Shizuru wailed, falling to her knees in anguish.

"You could… just push the button yourself" asked a bewildered cricket, who had stopped singing.

"It's NO USE!!! I'll have to call… Nagi…"

Everyone gasped in horror.

"NAGI!?!?! But, miss; I thought that he was only a legend…" the crickets were in a hustle.

"_moshi moshi? Nagi-desu!"_

"Hi, Nagi? I need you to take me down to the secret evil lab again. Another Kronk copped it,"

You see, Nagi (as made famous in TBD) was a legendary inverted flying platypus.

"_Can it wait 'till later? I'm kind of busy with Mashiro-chan at the momen-_

_Who is that you're talking with!?!? It isn't another woman, is it!??!?! you said I was the only other platypus for you, Nagi-chi! And to think, we've been together for almost three hours!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!_

_Calm down, Mashi-chan! It's just Kaichou-ero. She needs me to take her down to her SECRET EVIL LAB again. She keeps fucking all her assistant so hard that they don't come back. It will only be for a while…_

_But you'll be in the presence of a human woman! That means you'll have to wear a ridiculous Sailor outfit! I'M the only one who gets to see your sexy platypussy butt in a miniskirt…."_

The line cut off abruptly with the sound of a muffled moan.

"Sigh… it seems that I'll have to… (Gulp) push the button myself."

Her heart was pounding. Her fingers trembled as she reached out slowly for the button.

"Ero-kami-sama… save me," was her last prayer.

**In the lovely castle of lovely sparkly crappy Platonic shoujo-ai:**

Princess Natsuki was sitting on a rainbow, stroking her many my-little pony-esque horsies while smiling childishly and giggling terrifyingly un-natsuki-ish-ly. That so cannot be a word.

Anyway, as Princess Natsuki was sitting in her lovely flowery garden, she glances over at the evil looking student council room of evil ero yuri and sighed. Why did they need plot-less smut and flute-rape to keep them happy? She stood up and went over to her "500 plasma flowerTV and re-watched Maria-sama ga miteru or the god-knows how many-th time. As she was switching cannels from the flowery Platony Channel to FTV (fluffTV) she had to go through the Yuricom channel and was immediately entranced by the sight of Chikane and Himeko from KnM kissing passionately.

"I wish that Passion was allowed in this castle…" she sighed. Other that overly flowery and hopelessly platonic relationships, princess Natsuki had never known love. She cried her eyes out then trudged inside, for a pineapple shower was die soon. As she enteres the grand hall she saw Erstin and Nina looking at each other whilst people were throwing roses into their panel.

"Erstin…"

"Nina…"

"Erstin…"

"Nina…"

"Erstin…"

"Nina…"

"CONDOMS!"

Arika Yumemiya came skidding in with an armful of contraceptives and began throwing them everywhere.

The mood was ruined and the flowers withered in the presence of aforementioned thingys.

"Arika! We nearly had a Guinness world record! We were doing that for four and a half weeks until you ruined it!" Nina screamed, and ran towards Arika, bouquet of roses bared. But then, because of the violence-preventing shield thingy, Nina and Arika immediately stopped and began to stare into each other's eyes.

"Arika…"

"Nina…"

"Arika..."

"God damn it! Why does nothing interesting ever go on here!" shouted Natsuki as she stomped upstairs to her room, which was decorated with rainbows and flowers and ponies and other naff things. She jumped onto her four-poster bed with its tellytubbies duvet cover and began to cry.

**In the Platony association meeting room:**

Sachiko and Yumi, who are in here just because I couldn't think of a better platonic couple, rang the tinkly little bell to announce that that council was starting/.

"Okay, whoever Is holding the rubber chicken may talk," they announced. They of course, were already holding the said synthetic poultry, so they began talking first.

"We have gathered you here to start the 50th Platonic council. There are two main issues to talk about. The first, and by far the most important is that a threat to everything we hold dear has emerged." She stated solemnly.

"What is it??" everyone chorused.

"We've…." Yumi began to sniff… Sachiko gave her a hug and she stood up to face the rest of the council.

"We've… sniff… we've run out of pink toilet paper!" she cried, falling to her knees dramatically and wailing.

The rest of the room passed out simultaneously. The only one left conscious in the WHOLE castle was of course Natsuki, who was up in her room.

---DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!---

**In Shizuru's secret lab**

"Most impressive, Sailor Merc- I mean, slave Reito. It's far to easy to mistake your name in that lovely outfit," said Shizuru, looking up at the super evil machine that he had prepared. "Are you sure that it can get her?"

"Oh yes, Mistress Fujino. I even installed extra tentacles in case of and emergency. There's everything you'll need, and the piloting system is made specifically so that only you can command it. What name do you want to give it? The EVIL ERO MASTER PLAN DEVICE THINGY seems a bit long-winded to me," Reito explained.

_Please god, I need her to like it. If she does, I get a pay raise, and will have enough money to get that sex change._

"I like it, sailor Reito. Tell Haruka I hold you that you could have a pay raise and a good whipping. I shall call this evil ero tentacled monster Kiyohime! Now, gather the troops! It's time to strike when they're weakest!"

Reito walked off to the intercom.

"Announcement, this is a staff announcement. Would all troops participating in the ravaging of the Castle of Platony please assemble in the war room. A reminder: forgetting your sex toys is a crime punishable by Haruka. Have a nice day."

----fiddlesticks----

After a while, the 8 troops had got to the war room. In their tight-fitting leather outfits were: Chie and Aoi, Shiho, Tomoe, Haruka and a scared-looking Yukino, Nao, and a rather nasty sigh, Miss Maria.

Now you try to picture miss Maria in a leather bodysuit. And have a bucket near you in case you need to throw up. (ewwwwww).

And so, the 9 of them (Shizuru is included) boarded their grope-o-matics and, at Shizuru's command, set out for those platonic suckers.

They, of course, had forgotten that the weather forecaster had said it would rain again today, but giant pineapples falling from the sky we hardly sufficient to stop Fujino-sama's libido grando.

**In the castle of… oh w/e, you get the idea.**

Natsuki was sitting in her room, reading TomoyoxSakura CCS doujins, and staring at the clock. She had made up her mind that she would only come down for dinner, which would be healthily balanced and lacking in any mayonnaise whatsoever. She had only tasted it once when Arika had bought some off the black market, but she loved the stuff and was constantly craving it. Oh well, you can't have everything.

She had just got to the page where Tomoyo was cupping Sakura's face surrounded by a panel of lilies when she heard a crashing noise from downstairs. Probably just Arika, she thought. Natsuki put the manga down and turned off the lights suddenly very sleepy. She figured that supper could go to hell, for all that cared, because all this platony was beginning to suck.

**Back downstairs where the Ero-brigade had entered the castle:**

"Right! Group A, you go get all the suckers in the council room! Group B, you go over the maid's quarters and grab them! I'll scour the rest of the house for any straggles." Shizuru commanded. With everyone in other places, it would be easier for her to get to the prize: Princess Natsuki.

Yes, much like Natsuki and the mayonnaise, Shizuru had only seen Natsuki once (in a flower garden where she was burying one of her previous… err… victims?) but she had instantly wanted her and craved her body for a whole 2 years. Now, mistress of the Evil Ero Yuri…. Etc Association, she had the power to make Natsuki hers.

"What a wonderful plan, Shizuru-onee-sama!" came the obviously love-struck voice of Tomoe, a sadistic bitch at best. She had been fuming because Shizuru had refused point-blank to fuck her.

As the teams split up, Shizuru headed straight (ha-ha! I managed to put that in a again! Lol, _straight _for Natsuki's room! I kill myself sometimes!) For Natsuki's room, which she had been spying on with her really big telescope for the last 2 years.

**In Princess Natsuki's room…**

…Princess Natsuki was snoring soundly, clinging to her favourite teddy bear, Duran the dog. She wore her big blue pyjamas, which were kind of like a bodysuit, with a hood with big floppy doggy ears. She was about 10 years for it, by, being the princess, she could have almost anything she wanted, and so this has been custom made for her.

"ara, how tasty Natsuki looks in those doggy pyjamas, I may just have to eat her…"

Natsuki stirred in her sleepy and gave a terrible cute whimpering noise. Shizuru, practically salivating, scooped her off and loaded her into Kiyohime.

The next few day were going to be very fun indeed…

-----dun dun duuuuun-----

there you go! A new fic by yours truly. It will be pretty short, probably only 3 chapters or so. It does have something of a plot, I promise! It will be rated M (my first M-fic… gulp) for language, sensual stuff and my sense of humour.

How, please review and enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay. I have tried my hardest in my free time to write and NOT to get my binoculars and peep at girls changing through windows x.x;

I'll try and update my other fics, but my heart just isn't n it at the moment… gomene!

-----o-----

--Chapter 2--

Now, we need to take a break from our current cliffhanging situation and step back for a moment. You see, even though I know you all love random plotless smex and flute-rape and the like, there's a woman that lives in a little cottage on a hill far, far away…

In her pretty little gingerbread cottage in the forest of lost lolis and shotas lives Old maid Mai, a loli/shota-con whose name is only used in whispers. She lives with her fuckbuddy, Mikoto, and her incestuous brother, Takumi. Now, at about the time the leather-clad ero-squad entered (haha, get the joke…) the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai (which is getting annoying to type by now), Old maid Mai was out in the woods collecting magic mushrooms and poisonous toadstools for dinner. Humming gaily to herself, she skipped through the forest and said hello to all her animal friends. Suddenly, a mysterious cloaked envoy from the lovely pretty kingdom of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai had come to her gingerbread house and warned her that there was no pink toilet roll left and that she'd better hide her stock. The messenger had also told her casually that apparently the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut was planning to attack and have their way with everyone in the castle. Mai, fearing for her friend princess Natsuki's safety, had sent a platoon of rabid purple half-cookie hybrid squirrels and her pet aardvark, Kagutsuchi, to tell princess Natsuki that the attack was expected and that she'd better take the necessary precautions.

Suddenly, a ravaged looking rabid purple half-cookie hybrid squirrel came slithering up to her and announced that princess Natsuki had been natsukinapped and that the castle had been taken.

"WHO!? Tell me, Bob, who would do such a thing?"

"It was… they… cough… call her…"

"Get on with it, mate, your line is already three seconds over,"

"Hey! I only get one line in this stupid fucking story, because of that stupid fucking authour, like fuck I'm gonna drag it out!" replied the squirrel angrily.

**Back in character please, bob.**

"Yessir! I mean, Ma'am! Ehem (clears throat) they… cough… call her… Kaichou-ero…" and the squirrel died and evaporated in cute pink sparkles that left a pleasing cherry odour around.

"No, it can't be! Not Kaichou-ero!!!!" Mai wailed, falling to her knees whilst the basket of magic mushrooms scattered everywhere. "Wait a second… who the hell is kaichou-ero?"

The serious mood was shattered.

And so, Mai collected her incestuous brother Takumi, her fuckbuddy Mikoto and a huge array of funky-looking mutant forest creatures and set out to get Princess Natsuki back from Kaichou-ero. Is it just me or does this seem scarily like Mario? Where's the weird dude with the nasty 'tache and his red outfit? And while we're at it, why not mushroom thingys, question mark boxes, and killer plants and turtle things? Or am I getting ahead of meself? Anyway, this is the scene back in wreckage of the (oh god, here we go again) lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai.

"Oh me, oh my! The Princess has been natsukinapped! Whatever shall we do?" came the lament of some random person in the castle. Arika cut over them, wondering aloud,

"Since when did Natsuki-kun have her own kidnapped word?"

"Well, since _everyone _knew that this kind of clichéd scenario was going to happen, we met at Starbucks a few days ago and decided that, to spice things up a little and annoy the authoress, who now has to write an even longer word, we would elongate the word. We made up some other, too! Wanna hear?"

"No."

The random person was knocked out as Arika spiked him with her indestructible rubber chicken. She has stolen it from Sachiko and Yumi when the Hentai brigade had taken them and that was how she had managed to hide herself from them. Now, she was the only main character left in the castle.

"They stole my Nina-koooooiiiiii! I WILL MAKE THEM PAY!!!" shouted Arika, going into super sayan mode. She proceeded to absorb the power of all the rest of the nameless faceless characters in the castle and ran out to go and try and take down the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut by herself… which is not very smart. But hey, it's Arika. Since when did she have any notion of a brain?

Right. For those of you that have absolutely no idea what's going on; you're not alone. I'm writing it and I don't know what's going on. Shizuru had taken Natsuki captive and is heading back to her bedroom (ho ho ho!), The Hentai brigade has taken all the named character from the castle and plan to fuck them senseless, Mai is currently with Mikoto and Takumi and an army of mutant animals heading to get Natsuki back, Arika is in super sayan mode with a rubber chicken and is running to get Nina back, and Midori is still digging under the groud being a retard.

----And now, what you've all been waiting for, cut to Shizuru's bedroom----

Shizuru lightly laid Natsuki down on her god-knows-how-many poster bed that could her and up to five different people at once and proceeded to inject her with all the sex-drugs known to man and a few more that she had had Youko prepare specially for the event.

"Now, I wait for my tasty Natsuki-chibi to awaken…" Shizuru giggled, smiling a very, very sinister and incredibly sexy smile and gracefully plonking her rear onto the side of the bed and placing her hands across her lap. She waited a few minutes, and, when Natsuki's snores did not falter, began to fidget.

"On second thought, I think I'll go make tea," she mused.

Shizuru exited the room. All was quiet.

Too quiet…

Now, outside Shizuru's soundproof fireproof bulletproof tentacleproof bedroom, there was quite a lot of noise. Mostly moans and the occasional muffled shout, but there was talking as well. In the barracks of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut, the denizens of the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai were strapped to beds in various revealing and venerable positions and were… well, you get the picture. Miss Maria was enjoying herself immensely.

"Where is my Arika-koooiiiii!?!? I know she will come to save me!" Nina wailed as Tomoe yet again thrust something inside her.

"She's not coming for you anymore, Nina. Nobody's coming for you anymore! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Tomoe ranted, her eyes going all weird as she gave a strangely deep evil laugh an fell of the bed, still holding the chain that would around Nina's body, causing her to fall down and hit her head and let out a pained squeal.

"Help!"

Arika burst through the wall and into the scene, rising overly dramatically from the rubble while the wind from the stage fans caused her pigtail thingys to flutter in her wind.

"That's no good Arika, you'll have to try that scene again. Can I get the gaffer to adjust the stage lighting at the back so that we get more of a shadow to her left? Where are the boys who are supposed to be scattering dust in front of the fan? And, Doris, I told you, I take my coffee decaf with two sugars, but if they have one of those nice latte things with chocolate in, I'll take one. Okay, and… lights, camera, act-"

The director was cut off by an unusually cold hand weighting his shoulder. He looked around to see Shizuru, smiling serenely at him.

"Oh, what is it, Shizuru-san? Your scene is in a another couple of hours, you can go back and watch the episodes of Clifford the Big Red Dog that we put on in the waiting room,"

"Director-_sama, _there seems to be a bit of a mistake here. Am I not correct in reading that the summary of this said [**SHIZNAT** in it? Not [**ARIKANINA**?" Shizuru asked, cocking her head to the side and holding up a copy of the script.

"Shizuru-san, what're you getting at? It's Arika's scene now, go back and watch cbeebies,"

Shizuru wasted no more time in grabbing the rubber chicken from where it had been tossed on the floor after Arika had entered the set and swiftly whacking the director on the head with it.

"Shizuru, that's not going to do anyth- AHHHHHHHH!!! I'MMMM MEEEEYYLLTIINGGG… (Gurgle)"

The director was now just a pile of gross-looking stuff on the floor.

"Shizuru, that's the third one this chapter! If you keep doing it, we won't be able to keep cutting these things out of the story…" nameless set worker no.23 said, exasperated, getting out a dustpan and brush and sweeping away the director.

"Ara, is that so? Well… bring me… Doris."

A few seconds later, Shizuru had (somehow- hey, what you don't know can't hurt you) persuaded Doris to cut several other scenes in favour of some more Shiznat.

"Hurry up with it, though, Doris. I have to be at the office for several other fics this afternoon and I don't want to miss my French manicure appointment,"

---Cut back to Shizuru's bedroom---

Natsuki stirred and innocently hugged what she assumed was her teddy bear, Duran, but was in fact a Shizuru voodoo doll. She was having the most wonderful dream about a beautiful princess rescuing her from a high tower and said princess bringing a jar of mayonnaise along with her. She unconsciously licked her lips at the though, and that, I'm sorry to say, made the onlooking Shizuru _so _much hornier. It didn't help that she got the wonderful feeling of being squeezed into Natsuki breasts from the voodoo doll. She smiled a sexy smile (alliteration! Hah, I did listen in English class) and sipped her scalding tea.

Meanwhile, Natsuki was just beginning to wake up. She rubbed her eyes and hesitantly looked around, not recognising the surroundings. Where had her 'My Little Pony' wallpaper gone? Where were her happy pictures of smiling people? A wall full of bloodstains and various sex toys handing neatly from pegs had replaced them.  
"Where on earth am I?" she asked.

"You're not on earth, my love. You're in heaven now." Shizuru mentally checked the 'say cheesy but seductive pick-up line' box.

Natsuki turned around and there saw, rather oddly, a bottle of mayo sitting on a chair and beckoning to her. In this odd haze she was in, Natsuki somehow found the mayo incredibly sexy. She wanted to take it, to caress it, rip the packaging off and dive into it… and found herself crawling off the bed and stumbling erratically toward the bottle of Mayonnaise (who was actually Shizuru- she had the costume custom made whilst we were at Natsuki's point of view.)

Shizuru watched the inebriated Doggy teetering closer and closer to her, and couldn't restrain herself any longer. She leaped into Natsuki, and was just about to unzip the top of the suit to kiss her when, yet again, there was an interruption. Mai, Mikoto, Takumi, the army of funky forest thingys, and Arika burst through the wall.

"Stop, in the name of- WTF???" Mai began, and then saw Natsuki snuggling with a giant mayo bottle. "OMGWTFROFLMAOROXXORZBOXXORZLOL!" Arika shouted and collapsed in laughter, pointing at Natsuki and Shizuru (Doggy and Mayo bottle respectively).

"We banded together to stop the great Kaichou-ero of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut! Not a mayo bottle-cosplaying molester! Mayo bottle-san, could you please direct us to the evil Kaichou-ero so that we can stop her tyrannical reign once and for all!"

Shizuru stood up and brushed the… something off her outfit, bringing herself to her full height (above everyone else) and said, in a deep, deep voice:

"Arika…"

"Present!"

"Arika… I am your father!"

"Shit! Why oh why is my father a giant talking anthropoid bottle of mayonnaise? What did I do to deserve this? And why am I even here? I came to save my NINA-KOOOIIIII-"

"Wow, Mai! You uber pwnt her!" shouted Mikoto, who was looking from the frying pan in Mai's hand to the swelling lump on Arika's head and nodding insanely. This, however, is understandable, because her only line in the whole story had the words 'uber' and 'pwnt' in it.

Before Mai could fathom the unusual amount of L33t sp33x going on, she had a rabid and protective mayo bottle on her wrestling her ALL-POWERFUL frying pan of DOOOOOOOOOM out of her hands and pushing her against the wall. Before she knew it, Shizuru had entered her with her own rolling bin 42 times, ripped off both her breasts, stuck play-doh ones back on instead and stuck a 'fuck me' sign on her back. Damn that kaichou-ero, she thought, wearing such a well thought out and unapparent disguise and then jumping us at the first hurdle!

After seeing what Shizuru did to Mai, the other three had agreed to become captives if the mutant forest creatures were set free. Shizuru 'pulled the lever' (remind me why we even _have _a lever?) and sent them down into her inescapable pit of perverted salarymen.

She now had Natsuki all to herself… (Insert evil laugh here. No, don't be shy, it doesn't matter if you're at school or in the library of even at home, just get it all out. Everyone with me now: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!)

-----TO BE CONTINUED- OMG!-----

Well, there you have it, chapter 2. I had to write it in two parts coz I didn't have time the first time I sat down at my computer and began typing. I hope you find it funny. I did, and I got tea all over my desk while proofreading it. I didn't help that some idiot bitch has gone and stolen all the mugs and glasses from out kitchen, and so I have to drink tea from a bowl. It is somewhat odd, but still tastes the same. Anyways, enough crap from me! Remember, the review button WANTS YOU to click it.

(Squiggly thingy) Emiri


	3. Chapter 3

hehe, thanks for all the reviews! Please note that I do my best to reply to ALL your reviews via review reply. And now, without further delay, I bring you back into the world of crackness…

oh, one more thing. Diclaimer: IF I own Mai-HiME/Otome, then why am I writing **FAN**fiction about it? go figure, lawsuits!

---Chapter 3---

Something somewhat alarming was happening to her, and the problem was that princess Natsuki of the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai had not even the faintest idea what any of it was. I mean, sure, she knew that she in the kingdom of Fuuka, a land where all girls like other girls for some reason and it rains pineapples, but other than that, she was stumped. Natsuki vaguely remembered something about a mayo bottle, and then a group of people breaking down the wall, and then…

"I'm glad to know that Natsuki remembers me," came a melodic Kyoto-ben from behind her. Natsuki involuntarily jumped up from where she realised she was sitting on the end of a large bed, no, a _very _large bed. She swivelled around to see a giant mayonnaise bottle holding a smaller jar of itself, beckoning to her. Upon moving, Natuki had got all the god-knows what that Shizuru had put in her circulating again, she stumbled and faceplanted onto the bed, and, because this is anime, did a physically impossible in reality forward roll because of the momentum and found herself nose to cap with the giant mayo bottle. She blushed and remained absolutely still, save for the rising and falling of her chest, as Shizuru unscrewed the cap of the mayo jar. (Don't ask me how she did it- I mean, how're you supposed to unscrew something without _hands??)_

"Ara… does Natsuki-_Hime _want some?" Shizuru teased, waving a blob around and watching Natsuki's beady eyes greedily follow it.

"mmhhm… mayyybeeeeee…" Natsuki drooled, rotating her head in time to the slow rotations of the mayo bottle. She had no ulterior motive, unlike _some _perverted readers would like to think, than the thick white gooey stuff. She didn't even notice that the mayo bottle had unzipped itself, or the beautiful girl whose face was revealed, until the blob of mayo switched places from the hand to her tongue. Slightly put off my the new background colour for her mayo, Natsuki stopped following it with her ever-vigilant eyes and broke from her little dream world to take a look back on the situation, and possibly spoil the wonderful moment.

Shizuru, however, was having none of this, and unzipped her mayo-suit further, revealing that she had secretly had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on underneath. I bet you hentai out there just got a little flashy piccie in your head of Shizuru unzipping a mayo bottle costume with her top half exposed. Betcha four-hundred thousand yen that'cha did! No need to be shy (I did too). Natsuki, who was still looking at the mayo bottle, suffered severe nasal haemorrhaging as her jade eyes popped right out of her skull, went for lunch at hooters and came back again all in about four point six six six recurring seconds.

(WARNING! Next comes my pitiful attempt at writing smut! If you aren't comfortable with intimate scenes between two females (in which case, why the hell are you reading this fic?), then go and do something with the opposite sex. If you're a-ok with it, welcome to my world! Girl on girl rocks!)

"wh… wha…" Natsuki began to say, but was hushed by a lithe and father sweaty finger as it pressed her lips together. The finger tasted of mayo.

Mayo…

Only then did Natsuki realise that the mayo that she craved was still on the human Mayo bottle's outstretched tongue. As all the stuff that Shizuru had injected into her earlier finally reached her brain proper, Natsuki felt a rush like she had never lived before, not even that time when she had first seen a kiss between two other girls. She reached out and grasped the girl's arms, pulling the to her sides and in the process looming on top of her. Relaxing her hold, she ran her alabaster fingers through the silky flaxen tresses of the girl, gently caressing her head and the process.

"And what… my seductress, may I call you?" she rasped in a husky voice, leaning in closer to Shizuru's moist face, so that their breaths intermingled (Shizuru enjoyed it even though Natsuki had not eaten a peppermint for a LONG time).

"Sh…" Shizuru breathed, unable to believe that her dream was now coming true.

"Sh? Seems somewhat… plain for someone as drop-dead gorgeous as you…"

"Shi… Shizuru…"

Natsuki dived at Shizuru, launching her tongue deep into the other girl's mouth, sucking and probing all the mayonnaise off her tongue, thrusting into her murky depths. Shizuru, not wanting to miss out on the fun, began to play tonsil tennis with the younger girl, and they began a long and passionate make-out.

Natsuki's hands wandered around Shizuru's body relentlessly, never stopping, save to stroke or goad a particularly sensitive area. Not even stopping to consider how such a chaste princess who should have rightly had no experience or exposure to the kind of things that should teach her how to make love _so _well, Shizuru went with the flow, breathing in time with Natsuki, moaning in time with Natsuki, her heart beating alongside Natsuki's…

"Na…tsuki…" She moaned as Natsuki blew cold air into her ear whilst she nibbled and licked its lobe, "how?"

Natsuki detached from Shizuru's ear and rose so their faces were equal, "I went to this site… it was called and it had all these smutty stories about this girl called Natsuki and this other girl called Shizuru, and something to do with wolves and carnivals and-" She was again silenced, but not by Shizuru's finger. Rather, by her cherry-red lips, soft and plush as… well, a plushie, but dangerous and carnivorous like a tyrannosaurus rex. They went from dangerously chaste and ghostly to violent and lustful, keeping the younger girl right on the edge, just never letting her slip over.

Natsuki's insatiable hands began to slide up to Shizuru's ample breasts, gently sliding her fingers up and over the mounds, feeling the nipple go hard as she fondled it. The girl beneath her began to grow hotter, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she began imagining the next step of the sequence. (Read any other M-rated fanfic in this category).

The sapphire-haired girl grudgingly detached her lips from Shizuru's and bought them down in a line of light kisses, tilting her head so that she could hear the erratic rhythm of Shizuru's racing heart. Her face flushed as she moved her mouth to Shizuru's breast and playfully licking it like a dog would it's owner. Shizuru groaned and breathed,

"More! I need… more, Natsuki!" she screamed, pulling down on Natsuki's back, forcing her to nearly swallow Shizuru's breast. Natsuki responded by suckling on the other girl's nipple, nipping and licking it whilst massaging the other breast, getting it fired up for what was to come. Shizuru's head was spinning. Despite being such a dominatrix herself, she had never actually had someone do this to her before. She had always been the one in control, the one on the top. And now, all of this was just… too good to be true. Natsuki's hand switched places, and Shizuru promptly moaned.  
After deciding that Shizuru's top half was not enough, Natsuki detached herself and began to probe down lower.

And then abruptly stopped, jumped of the bed, ran all the way back to her room, watched Kannazuki no Miko, and came back within the swish of a donkey's donger.

"Shizuru… I've become an Orochi…"

Shizuru just stared at her with a dumbfounded look.

"Is Orochi something sexy?" she asked

"Very,"

"Then, be _my _Orochi, Na-tsu-ki…"

Shizuru, by now bored out of her skull that they hadn't started real sex yet (even though she would never tell Natsuki that) decided that it was time to take the initiative and make the… well, fifty-sixth or so move. Not even bothering with the usual foreplay and whatnot, she stuck her fingers into Natsuki in a rather gung-ho fashion reminiscent of Haruka, supreme dominatrix underlord of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut. Natsuki gave a gasp and immediately responded to the rough action by… biting Shizuru's left breast off. This was understandable, as she had been, well, sucking it at the time. Natsuki, of course, a virgin, had never really considered how painful (yet pleasurable) it would be to have someone's fingers shoved up her arse.

"Ara, Natsuki… just bit my left breast off…" Shizuru would have said something teasing or similar, but the pain of actually having her chest cleaved off was getting to her, and the shower of blood was staining her favourite bed sheets. So, she quickly grabbed it out of Natsuki's mouth and stuck it back on with some PVA, hoping it would stick. When it just slid off and landed on the floor with a soft _squish_, Shizuru cursed Ero-Kami and had to get off the bed to pick it up. Scrutinising it carefully, she determined that she'd best stitch it back on.

"Natsuki's can you get the sewing kit out of the bedside table?" she asked absentmindedly.

With a muffled 'sure' Natsuki got off and wonkily stood up, reaching into the bedside table and pulling out a bag of first aid items. After pulling out an 'emergency repair kit for exploding breasts', a 'lotion to sooth smex induced bunions', several packets of cocaine and a copy of 'Hawt Yuri secks 4 dummies', she finally found a small packet labelled 'Breast-sewing kit' and went over to Shizuru, sitting down next to her.

And so, they sat in silence for a while whilst Shizuru sewed her left breast back on. The scenario is a bit odd, you have to admit.

And then, they got back into bed and fucked each other senseless for the next three weeks straight (haha…). It was announced that the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai was to be knocked down and that there was to be a school called Fuuka academy for insane superpowered lesbians built there.

It later became known as Garderobe academy for insanely superpowered lesbians who are acturally allergic to straight sex, and who wear tentacled robe-thingys.

And Princess Natsuki became the King Natsuki the First of Fuuka, with her queen, Shizuru. They reigned over the land forevermore, and lived forever because that idiot Midori had discovered that the secret to eternal life was the rubber chicken, which Shizuru had stolen from the director. Arika and Nina and Erstin became a threesome, and The Hentai-squad formed a youth group called the 'yuri scouts' which is now widely practiced all over the world. Sachiko and Yumi became pioneers in the breast-reparation industry, and Miss Maria was banned from wearing leather EVER AGAIN.

And so, a new saga begins; The Queen of the gays: Fellowship of the Dildo.

Jus kidding.

---o---

And there! It's done! Phew, smut! I'm sorry if it wasn't as funny, but I actually intended to make the whole chapter smut, and then I got this odd image on Natsuki biting one of Shizuru's breasts off, and well, yeh, it just kind of happened.

Please note that there will be no continuation of this series unless everyone really wants it. I'm currently working on a new one, which is very different; but I think you guys will like it.

Have fun, and I'd just like to say a big thanks to KookieX7 KAMI YAH YAH XD ( I think that's her, sorry if I misspelled) for continuing one of my favourite fics, Imperfectness: High School. If you haven't read, it you must.

You see there? Clicky on the review button. You know you want to!

(Squiggly thing) Emiri

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